irritating dude

i do find myself irritating. and if i were someone else, i wouldnt befriend me. my sarcasm seemed to be a big bad flaw in me (now i know what my friends meant by calling me the sarcastic ass hole).

was browsing thru some of babs friends list in her account. and all of a sudden, i got irritated and jealous. maybe, for the first time i actually do see her contact list and getting irritated at each single male contact she got. am i normal? or am i being a jerk to have thrown my anger over MSN (which is NOT cool at all). i guess the jerk suits me more. for now i know and understands, how she actually feels when she saw some female contacts (which i didnt know) in my multiply account. and how badly i have reacted when she questioned me about them. i actually went to the extend of deleting all the contacts (including males) which i dont know in person (wont lose a single thing to remove all of em.. am i?). should i or shouldnt i have done that. my stupid mentality tells me to delete the unknown contacts to avoid further questionings and future misunderstandings. never had i tought that it was a very childish move. well thats me. making improper decisions at the wrong time. i could have just leave it like that and explain to her that some are requesting me to be added and some i added due to the nature of similar interest. be it the adam or the eve.

back to topic, i did something more unbelievable. i provoked her. i asked her if it is ok with her for me to have male/female contacts as online buddies. stupid me asked if she'd be jealous. and when she asked me if im doing this on purpose, i said yes. how stupid have i reacted.

its all about something stupid over the internet and its making me feeling like shit. put aside the shitty situation i had at work. how shitty i could've felt. am i drowning myself in self sympathy. i dont think so. i apologized for my stupid behaviour over MSN to my babs. I am really not myself when i was talking to her. God knows why i got agitated with what i saw in her contact list. and forgive me for my stupid reactions.. it was definitely uncalled for.

when i reached at my carpark, babs called. asking about bus routes... i again apologize to her over the phone. for my stupid self sorting upon irrationale decisions... had a few minutes of good talk before we ended up the call. gonna make it up to her when i fetch her later from school.

and as for u desmond, u have been an irritating dude to have acted like a smart alec tampering with the company's network policy. u are just asking for it.