weekday funnies... go laugh

1) What is a KISS?

It's an upper PREPARATION for a lower INVASION that will lead to further PENETRATION with fast ACCELERATION that will build next GENERATION.

2) Latest Statistics: What men do after sex? 2% eat. 3% smoke cigarettes.
4% take shower. 5% go to sleep. 86% get up and go back home to their wives.



3) Why is your dick better than a credit card?

1.Once spent recharges itself.
2.It is accepted worldwide.
3.You can let your wife use it as much as she wants.



4) LITTLE GIRL: Mommy, I just found out that our neighbor's son has a penis like a peanut!

MUM: You mean it's small?
LITTLE GIRL: No it's salty!!!


5) A couple recently married was happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the hole, and she was happy with the thing.


6) A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.

The lady sitting next to him asked: Are they your babies?

MAN: No,I work in a condom factory and these are customer COMPLAINTS.



7) Women top 5 lies:

5. I am a virgin.
4. It is so big.
3. I can't do that to my best friend.
2. I won't gain weight after marriage
1. I am coming! I am coming!!!



8) A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says: You want to play magic. She
says: What is that? He says: We go Home, screw, and then you disappear.


9) What is the closest thing to a woman's period?

Your SALARY... It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5 days, and if it doesn't come, you are F*CKED!!!


10 ) Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied : The legs...because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING".



11) Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school?
Pupil : Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say

"TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR PUSSY".



12) What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain??
Answer : When you pull down the stage curtain, show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME.



13) AGES OF VAGINA:

-16 to 19 BRAND NEW.
-20 TO 28 SLIGHTLY USED
-29 TO 36 SECOND HAND
-37 TO 45 SUBJECT TO REPAIR
-46 TO 55 FOR LUBRICATION
-56 TO 60 TOTAL WRECK
-61 TO 70 CLOSED FOR RENOVATION!!!!!!!



14) MUM: Didn't I tell you if stranger touches your breast say "DON'T". And if he touches your pussy say STOP!
GIRL : But mum, he touched both, so I told him
DON'T STOP!!!!"