has grandmps ......?

grandma's old. she's bed ridden. her life has all the up's and down's one can think of.

i grew up in her hands. she was fierce. very fierce. the direct opposite of my late grandpa. grandpa left us when he was 64. i was still in sec 2. grandma's been different since then on....

last night, i went to visit her. she was not her usual self. there's something different in her. i was right. mak ngah told me that lately, she's been talking to herself. she's been talking to "something" which could not be seen by us. she kept on saying that she felt her body levitated. we had to proof to her that she's really on the bed.

i felt that sudden guilt. i wish that i could spend more time with her. i felt that her love given to me was not repaid. that one month stint when she stayed over at my place, where i have to bathe her and carry her to the loo was not enough. i feel that i have to put in more. i was sad. really sad.

before i leave, she waited for everyone to leave the room, then she actually spoke to me. "what's the problem you are facing?". i answered "nothing nek. all's fine". she shut her eyes and said angrily "shut up. dont say a word". i left the room. not puzzled, not shocked... but sad.