lusin mai rilijen

¸hola.. just got back in office from the tuas & kallang trip. dead sleepy, dead tired. looking at the kallang renovation going on, i visualize myself working there. Eeeuu.... with more eyes watching us, the less private my dept has become. who gives a hoot anyways....

sometimes, i do wonder if u ever know what's my job scope. if i were to ask u what am i doing, can u specify each of my scopes. i bet you cant. u've been blabbing so much about your work till u dont know mine. boss, u sucked.

ok so the interview for the promo is done. they kindda like what they are seeing. but i have to be honest, im not impressed... with everything. im moodless about it. i have lost my mojo to excel. i dont see this as a success to my career life. what career.. heh. i need that slap in the face. i do.

its been irritating these nights. the pain in my knee... the pain in my mind. just have to prolong the sleepless nights. got a good 1 hour sleep yesternight. the stare at the window, the fan, the irritating blue light from the phone .. it all lasted for 3 hours. before i knew it, its time for sahur. then i managed to calm myself for some sleep at 5.30... the next thing i know, its 10.30. fuck... im late.

the fag called about the new car. i decided to cancel it. its so irritating to have to think about it every 9¶day and night. its about time to pimp that two striped bitch.

made another decision today. i told HR im not going to class anymore. im so uninspired to attend it.

what has got into me? the direction i've paved no seems blur. i became a more fucked up person as i got older. this fasting month has been the worst of the worst. even chinese people are telling me to start fasting .... and smoke less. wth... its pretty shameful to celebrate hari raya when im not even fasting properly. hari raya's have never interested me. the only thing im looking forward to each year was the eve night of syawal. where all will recite the 'takbir'. this time round, i never even did ONE tarawikh. never ONE this year. I should be ashamed of myself.

early this week, went to tok salleh's and mak's. it was cloudy when i reached atok's. at mak's, the moment i opened the door, it rained. when im done, i left .. and the sky stopped peeing. it tells me how much i've disappointed her... i guess... in many many ways. im really sorry.

fuck me.