ok.. ive been sick. diagnosed by the doctor with borderline high blood pressure and some other crappy stuffs like my breathing has got whizzing, bronchospasm and shits like that. its only irritating when i start coughing. its dry, its painful on the throat and chest. but things seemed a little better today. not that its totally gone, but i felt there was improvements. ok so i gotta see the doctor dre again. gosh... he's asking me to slow down on the ciggies. ya think i can? was it all about the mindset? i dont know. lately, ive been smoking a lil too much too. i dont blame it on stress.. and i dont know why. it seems like its becoming a major problem... i smoke when i wake up, everytime i took my morning dumps, walking to the car, starting the car engine, walking to the office from the carpark, 9.30am, lunchtime, 3.30pm,5.30pm, 6pm, on my way to meet babs, everytime babs lights up a ciggie i will also follow, on the way back after meeting babs, while walking home, in the house before shower and one before sleeping. wow. thats a lot of ciggies and lungs getting burnt. i'll fuckin die in no time man ...
i remembered seeing this poster saying that 'a cigarette smoked, lessen 5 mins of your life'. and if i were to be paranoid about whats being said, i will be shitting in my pants knowing that i will die anytime soon man.
tops this all, i still have to do something about my smoking. i really want to throw this habit away. its expensive, uncool, unhealthy and worst of all, it shows that i am not taking good care of my asthmatic wife. apart from the smoking and the religious stuffs, i guess i have been very good towards her. ive never treated and loved someone like how and what im doing right now. but... ok nuff said. im blabbering too much. chao.
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